• Em Shotwell

Bite Somebody book review

Where to begin?

When you think of Vampsy novels I bet you conjure up images of sparkly, swooning, forever-teen vamps. Or possibly seriously sexy vikings who own vampire bars in Shreveport. Or maybe a vamp turned during the civil war who says things like, oh i don't know, "Sook-ay" (#TeamBillForLife #SorryNotSorry). MAYBE you even have a thing for a tragic vampire who lives in New Orleans and has a serious self-loathing issue.

Those vampire books are great (a couple are among my favorites), but before you read BITE SOMEBODY, go ahead throw those sexy, angsty, self-loathing, blood thirsty ideas out. Because Celia Merkin works at Happy Gas. She thinks she's chubby and has a real self esteem problem. Becoming a vampire was supposed to fix her life...only it didn't. Not at all. In fact, now she feels like maybe even more of a loser because she has to buy baggies of blood off of a hospital employee, and can only work the night shift. She sees a vampire-therapist and has been secretly reading Twilight to try and figure out the right way to even be a vampire.

The girl has never felt more lonely in her life (or death).

To make matters worse, her brand new next-door-neighbor smells woodsy and amazing and he is a sun loving ex-surfer who rides in bicycle races for fun. He is tan and in tip top shape. Celia doesn't think she has a chance, with her ample thighs, fizzy hair, and oh yeah, incessant need to drink blood to stay alive.

Then oneday...errr walks Imogene; bad-ass, purple hair, red-heart-framed glasses and a mouth like a sailor. She is what every shy girl needs (even shy vampire girls), a ballsy bestie with serious attitude. She injects Celia with a dose of confidence and together, they work at helping Celia win her woodsy neighbor, Ian's, heart.

Despite Celia's body image issues, crappy job, and the whole blood/nighttime thing, something begins to blossom between she and Ian...something that makes Celia's fangs go BOING. Something that is definitely lusty, but could maybe, possibly, hopefully oneday be love. Celia doesn't want to get her hopes up.

It doesn't matter, though, because Celia's life as an undead creature of the night takes a nose dive when Danny, her skeevy maker shows up with his brand new protege in tow (a newly turned vampire/former exotic dancer named Vixen). The two have left a string of dead humans in their wake, and it doesn't take long for Celia to realize how unhinged the couple are. When Danny and Vixen set their sights on Ian, Celia and Imogene decide they must kill the pair before the pair can kill Celia's man. do you kill a vampire anyway? And is it really wrong to kill something that is technically already dead? Will dead vamps desintegrate ala Buffy or will there be vampire-bodies to dispose of?

Celia and Imogene don't know, but they are about to find out.

Bite Somebody had me snort-laughing from the first chapter. Celia and Imogene are the perfect pair and I adore slightly goofy, good-looking Ian. It's nice to see a love interest who is a genuinely nice guy. Sara's vampires added something much needed to the genre: humor. Her vamps still hold a little of their humanity and instead of perfect, immortal creatures of the night, they are humans who live longer and need blood to survive. If you sucked as a human, well, you are probably going to be a sucky vamp. Some, like Imogene, embrace every part of their new life (err..death) and others like Celia struggle, though not in the angsty ways we have seen vamps in other books struggle. Celia isn't worried about the moral implications of her new form. She just wants to have a decent life--something that has always alluded her.

With heart, humor, and 1980s pop culture references, BITE SOMEBODY turns a "done" genre on its head, resulting in a fresh book that will leave you eager for the sequel.

You can get your copy of BITE SOMEBODY right here. And you should, too, because the sequel will be out this summer!

If you liked this review, find more books I suggest by joining my facebook group right here.

Check out Blackbird Summer or pre-order my latest release right here! (its .99 for limited time!)

33 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Instagram